THE GIRL WHO BLOCKED ME

“Hello.

Before you wonder who I am and why did I invade your privacy in this ludicrous manner, I want to tell you that I understand that this is the most uncivilized and discourteous way to start a conversation with some girl you have never known. The worst I could do was to take your phone number without your permission. I mean that is genuinely the worst way to approach a girl.

But you have to know I had to send this message, to make my mind guilt free, to proudly reply to my conscience that at least I made an attempt and to win myself a conversation with you. I am sure all this is irrelevant and inconsequential for you but I want to confess that I may have practiced writing this message several times through several days. I might have visited your Facebook profile a few times. And I might have rehearsed a few times on how to cope up with the failure once I don't get any reply from you. But all these hardly diminish the fact that I have utmost respect for you and this is not at all intended to offend you.

And believe me the purpose has always been to say "Hi"

So Hi I am Sidhant."

And I just closed my eyes and pressed that Whatsapp send button. It was gone. The message was sent and that ominous single tick appeared. My heart skipped a beat and my respiration stopped eagerly waiting for those double blue ticks. But they never came, forget the blue ones, even the double ticks did not appear. Her last seen was several hours ago.

My next one hour was spent gazing at the Whatsapp screen waiting with bated breath for those blue ticks and the next hour was consumed researching every FAQ on whatsapp message delivery. Is she out of mobile data? Is she out of network coverage? May be she's not getting the message as I am not in her contacts?

I speculated every possible reason that ever existed for a whatsapp message failing to deliver. I scoured through every Whatsapp setting cursing the service providers for their preposterous claims about their infallible 3G and 4G speeds in the process.

I was about to leave my fate in the hands of destiny when I convinced myself to have a final glance at the whatsapp screen and there it was! The “Last Seen” was gone replaced by the Online! And there were those obscure double blue ticks. OMG! She has seen it! She finally read it! Out of a reflex action my fingers forced me out of the app and onto my phone's home screen. I quickly put the phone down and waited impatiently for the notification sound. 10 seconds gone and anxiety took over me. I hurriedly browsed back to the message screen and there was her pretty profile picture. And all of a sudden it vanished. It was as if the picture was sucked into vacuum or into a minuscule whatsapp black-hole. And gone was the Last Seen text. The colorful 3D movie had turned black and white now!

I realized the fruition of my nightmare.

Yes, she had blocked me...

It was as they say - My whole world came crashing down.

And it was indeed a real bad crash. I went blank not knowing how to react. It took me a while to reconcile and reacquaint myself with what had just happened. Yes it hurt and it was excruciatingly embarrassing. My unwavering optimism and confidence had failed me. 

I was covered with guilt and I now hated myself for sending that message. 

How could I do this? This is not me. Never in my life had I so ungracefully invaded into some girl's privacy. 

But all that I wrote in the message, was all that fake? No it wasn't. My feelings were true. My intent was purely pristine. Did I just convey my feelings in the most inappropriate way? May be I did. 

But what made me do it? What was so special about her that made me approach her? My questions raced my mind to the very first time I had seen her.

It was a tough day at office, which is the usual case every day. And she was the only respite I had.

She was beautiful, more beautiful than the superlative of beautiful. Though she was new to the office there was this effervescence of confidence and determination in the way she carried herself. She was the very definition of grace. And yes she had that lovely little hair clip wrapped around her shiny dense hair. Her face though had this mystery about her, a mystery blended with a strange sadness. 

It was this sadness on her face that drew me towards her. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted her to share that sadness with her, I wanted to care for her.

Every now and then I would go walking around her desk, sometimes with the reason of filling my water bottle, sometimes with the excuse of just stretching my legs. And she would be there at her desk, wearing those big reading glasses on her pretty round eyes and keenly working on something. 

Our timing was like cosmic coincidence. My entry to the office floor would coincide with her exit and vice versa, every time I would stand up from my chair, she would be storming towards my desk only to take a diversion and walk straight to her desk. She was omnipresent for me. She was like my only hope of redemption.

The more I saw her, the more desperately I wanted to know her.

Was it love at first sight? May be it was or maybe it was destiny's conspiracy. I knew I had to talk to her, but maybe I was scared to have a direct conversation, scared of that sadness she veiled through her face. But I never intended to live and regret that I never even tried. 

So was she worth this hara-kiri? Was she worth this atrocity of sneaking up on her without her permission?

My conscience had stopped asking questions and I found myself in front of the mirror analyzing my face. Did she block me because I was ugly? No I wasn’t ugly, besides I am half way at growing that masculine Wolverine beard. Was it because I was fat? May be it was.

Should I be handsome? Should I be rich? What is the most suitable profile to impress a Girl?

What exactly does a Girl want?

My conscience had just asked me the most profound question that ever existed. A question that man has failed to answer and rationalize since the foundation of eternity.

My questions just added to my disgust and the best I could do was sleep-off. 

I woke up to find myself alive on Monday morning. The dreaded Monday morning. And for me along with the usual Mondays blues I have the additional perilous prospect of facing her at the office. It surely was going to be one hell of a Monday for me.

Once in office I did my best to not venture out around the office floor and to be confined to my desk. But the phenomenon of coincidence is an unstoppable force of nature. Just as I walked out of my desk, I realized I was on an unpreventable collision course, I stopped myself inches away from colliding with her. And that eye contact happened. The reaction on her face said it all. It was stone cold, maybe there was a trace of hatred and anguish too. But dear god, she was wearing those earrings. Those magnificent pieces of jewelry accentuated her surreal beauty. My eyes got fixed on those tiny subjects of oscillation as she walked away from me. They were the perfect example of simple harmonic motion.

And my heart started resonating at her frequency again.

The rest of the day was like a humongous burden on my shoulders. Every time I saw her the guilt within me compounded. And the already horrid day just got worse when I was informed that I had to stay late to attend a client call.

It was almost 11pm when the client call was over and I finally decided to make my way home. Soon I was out of the campus and on the road with my bike. A few hundred metres later I had to bring my bike to a sudden halt.  It was her. She was standing on one side of the road a couple hundred metres away from my position. Her arms crossed, she looked restless. I could clearly conclude that she was waiting for an auto that could take her home. But there was none. And at the other side there were a few drunkards staring at her. It was clear that they had no noble intention. I could feel her anxiety and restlessness. But why was she alone at this place and at this time? Probably she worked late too. But why didn't she avail the night cab facility? Then I realized it has been hardly a couple of weeks since she joined the job. It was highly probable that she was not even aware of the night cab facility. 

I had already let her down. I couldn't afford to let her alone in this state of vulnerability. It was now my responsibility to make sure that she reaches home safely. But why would she accept a lift from me? She hated me, she despised me. What if she clearly refused my offer for lift? 

But this was the only way I could alleviate my guilt, by helping her. I was ready with my plan of action. I decided not to take off my helmet and instead I took out my company ID card and hung it out around my neck.

"Hello! Can I drop you somewhere? 

This place is not safe at this hour." I said with my "Batman" voice (the helmet helped me in that) as soon as I reached near her.

My voice didn’t help my cause, She stepped back and stared at me with hesitation, looked here and there nervously and finally her eyes fell on my shining ID card. That was her shining beacon of light. She tried hard to look inside my helmet and then said- "Thank You. Can you please drop me off near Sailashree Vihar?"

"Yes sure." I replied back immediately.

My plan had worked. I was sure she won’t be able to read the name on the ID card. Finally I had rescued her from that precarious situation and we were on our way towards her home. 

The deserted road gave me ample opportunity to admire her charm. She was like the higher calling my life so terribly necessitated. She looked divinely gorgeous even through my bike's mirror and the wind played with her lovely dense hair crafting a perfect wave motion. You get blocked by a girl on whatsapp and the next day she's the pillion rider on your bike!

"Please take the next left turn, my apartment is just a few meters ahead"

I navigated my bike as per her instruction and within a minute we had arrived at her apartment. She quickly got down from my bike and said - Thanks a lot for this.

As I watched her walk towards her apartment I could feel my guilt being diminished by an inconceivable sense of contentment.

Before I could press the self start I could hear her shout in her mellifluous voice – “I am sorry. But I did not get a chance to ask your name.”

I just looked back at her and replied – “Never mind. I am just the same guy you blocked on Whatsapp.”

And before she could react I was on my way.

It was Tuesday but it was different. I was early to office; I was content, basking in the glory of my achievement of last night. There was no hint of guilt within. What happened last night had put my hopes high. May be we will have a better eye contact today, one that will culminate with her obliging me with the ever elusive smile. May be she will finally unblock me and start that Whatsapp conversation.

I impatiently awaited our next eye contact. I was restless and excited. I took those occasional peeks towards her desk but she wasn’t there.

It was only around lunch time I discovered her in a conference room with her team, as attractive as ever, probably leading a demo of some kind. I understood that I have to wait longer for that rendezvous. I waited for a couple of hours but she was nowhere on the office floor. I checked Whatsapp just to find that I am still blocked by her. I confined myself to my desk, dejected and disappointed. Of all the days, that was the day coincidence had chosen to abscond me. My hopes turned out to be nothing but my delusions of grandeur. If she felt even the slightest of connection with me, she would have already unblocked me. Expectations do hurt, especially when they fail. And I just found that out in the crudest way possible. The weight of the insurmountable depression was too much for me to tolerate. I just wanted to escape the situation and I decided to do exactly that.

I rushed to the parking lot for my bike, took it out, put my helmet on. I took a deep long breath, probably the longest of my life and was about to push the self start when I heard the voice –

“Hey”

I looked back to find her walking straight towards me. She stopped right beside my bike. One look at her and my heart melted right away. Even in this state of depression she was a sight to behold. Her face was as clear and as bright as a cloudless sky, her lips as red as the rose and her eyes as dark as the night sky. And yes those earrings!

I was captivated by her magnificence when she said – “Umm…. You should take off the helmet now.”

I did not speak a word and like an obedient child took off my helmet. And then it was all her.

“So I heard they have this café nearby which serves the best coffee in the city. And I was hoping to have a cup of coffee there. Can you give me a lift to the café and… if you don’t mind… if possible your company for a few moments?”

I was awestruck. Her voice just reverberated in my ears. Coffee?  Lift? Company for a few moments?

Hell I was ready to offer her my company for a lifetime. All I could do was smile at her, and she blushed back at me. Before I could utter a single word, she had already made herself comfortable on my bike.

“Now drive. I would love more time on the coffee table than on the bike.” She said.

And I replied – “That would be perfect”. As I started the bike I could feel her hands rest on my shoulders. The touch of her hands was comforting and equally fulfilling. This was the touch of her allegiance, of her trust. It was the onset of an amazing journey; it was the inception of Love.

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